Conflicted

Do I? Do I not?

Should I? Why shouldn't I?

Will I? Why won't I?

Can I? Why can't I?

What will other people think? What will I think?

Sometimes, there's more questions than answers. My feelings for her are growing again, despite myself. I didn't want them to grow again. I didn't want to risk her breaking my heart again. She has made it no secret that she wants me back. She says she's changed, and changed for the better.
Has she really?
Have I changed, too?
Can I change to accept her again? To let what is the past be the past, and work instead on the future?
Can I stop acting resentful towards her at odd moments, when something reminds me of what happened, and the old feelings - of hatred, sadness, despair, anger, depression - come up to the surface?
Those feelings aren't very deep down, either. I should acknowledge them. Burying them deeper won't do any good, to me or to her. Buried poison is still poison, doing its deadly work in seclusion.
I've made my decision for now. If I change it, I will let her know, in the fashion only I can do.

If I change my decision.