Guilt

Guilt.

And shame.

At myself.

I feel like an asshole right now.

I made my girlfriend mad, sad, and angry at me.

It was something I never wanted to do, but, through my insensitivity, I did anyway.

I should explain a little. This weekend, Kitty was moving from one apartment to another apartment in the same building, but a different floor. It also happened to be the weekend of my mom's 60th birthday, with a party Friday night, and a larger surprise party on Saturday.
I also have a 3-5 page paper I had to work on for my history class, and reading and other work for my drama class. So, between that and the party, I was a little busy.
I had already arranged it to come help Kitty move her things on Saturday afternoon, if I could use Friday for homework and the birthday party. She was reluctant, but agreed. All seemed ok, until Saturday.
I went to the surprise party for Mom in the afternoon, and stayed there for about an hour. Then I caught a ride with one of my aunts to Capitol Hill, which is right above downtown. This saved me a 45-minute bus ride from my aunt's house. So, I caught a bus downtown to Kitty's apartment. "Where were you? I thought you were going to be here at 2:30!"
Whoops.
Apparently, there had been some miscommunication somewhere along the way, and Kitty had thought I was coming at 2:30, not 3:15 or so when I showed up. I thought I had told her I would be late because of the birthday party stuff. So, I helped her move some stuff for awhile, then we went out to dinner and "watched a movie" in her new apartment. She was a little annoyed that I couldn't stay the night, but I told her I had homework to do, which was true.
So, I went for a bike ride this morning, and worked on homework and chores this afternoon. In the evening, I got a phone call from her, asking me about something that I had packed. I told her where it was, and she thanked me and got off the phone as quick as possible without being rude.
That was odd. Normally she likes to talk to me for a few minutes, at least. I just shrugged, and decided to call her later, when she was done packing.
I called her later, and her phone was turned off. Another odd thing. Normally she leaves it on, at least until I call her.
I was on instant messenger already, and Kitty comes on.

She's not in a good mood.

I get chewed out big time.

I don't give her enough priority in my life, I don't see her enough, I don't stay over at her apartment often enough, etc. I was so surprised, I couldn't respond. She signed off, crying, just as I was about to type a response.

I got it with both barrels.

And you know what?

I deserved every damn bit of it.

I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.