Being a Man

What does it mean to be a man?

Seems like a simple question, but it has a complex answer.
First of all, what is a man? This means different things to different people. My ex didn't think I was a man. Maybe she was right; I don't know. Is a man defined by how mature he is? Possibly. Is a man defined by if he is mature or not?
But, how does one define mature? Is mature just being over a certain age, or is it something more? I believe it's something more.

Mature is sticking it out through college instead of running off midway through. I want out, but I know I should stay and finish my degree. Then I can do whatever I want to do. Even though I can't stand my current situation sometimes, I know it could be worse. I can put up with it for two more years. Once I have my degree, I have my ticket to the world.

It's going to the party and having fun, but not getting so drunk you don't even remember what happened. I don't go to parties myself; that's just an example.

It's assuming responsibility for all aspects your own life; physical, emotional, financial, and so on, and responsibly managing those aspects. Staying fit, eating right, keeping your head, managing your money, and so on. I've assumed responsibility for almost all of those. I still live at home, so I eat the suppers Mom makes, but I manage my own healthcare, school work, and money.

It's doing unto others as you would have done to you. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I believe it's a good way to live.

It's being responsible for what you do. If you screw up, acknowledge it, apologize if needed, and do what you can to fix it.

It's standing up for yourself, doing what you feel is best for you. I don't know if I've mastered this one yet.

So, is one a man if he is mature? Maybe. There might be other qualities to being a man, too.

Am I a man?

I don't really know. Right now, I feel caught between two worlds: the world of boyhood, and the world of manhood. I'm trying to go from boyhood to manhood, but I feel as though I don't have a map. Some people call me a man, but Mom still calls me "boy." Than rankles me little bit. In the world of college, where people haven't known me all my life, I feel like a man. In the world of my home, where people and relatives have known me for a long time, I feel like a boy. Does how I feel dictate how I act? To an extent, it probably does. If I feel more like a boy, I'm liable to act more like one: goofing around, making bad jokes, and generally being silly and a bit rude. If I feel like a man, I'll act like one: being responsible, being polite, and still making the occasional bad joke.
That might explain why I always felt funny when Kitty came over to my house. I'd feel like acting like a boy, but I also felt like I should act like a man, because she wanted me to be one. It was confusing and awkward.
Is my dad a man? I think he is. He has his faults, but we all do. I'm not going to say I want to be just like him, but he is someone I respect for what he has done. That is enough for me to want to have some of his qualities.

Am I a man?

In some ways, yes. In other ways, no. However, I am becoming one.