Indifference

I'm not going to hide this post back in the archives of my blog any longer. It deserves to be seen.

She is doing her thing. I am doing mine. We talk sometimes, but less often than we used to. I used to have feelings for her. Now..
now, I feel more indifferent than anything else. Why this change? I don't know. Possibly, my subconscious is finally finishing the processing of my feelings towards her. Maybe I came to some realizations about me, and why I still stay in touch with her. Whatever it is, I have changed.

I feel as though she is dragging me down in some way. Is she, or is it just me? She sometimes sounds like a hypocrite, wanting to do all these things - she wanted me to do things, too - but then not doing any of them. Someone who is all talk and no action gets on my nerves after a while. I want to tell them "look, either put up or shut up." It's funny; she did an internet quiz once on her soul type, and one thing her results mentioned was that she is a dreamer and a talker, but not necessarily a doer. Sometimes those things are surprisingly accurate.

I don't mind seeing her, but I'm not sure if I want to right now. Seeing her still brings up old feelings. Feelings that I don't need brought up right now. Feelings that I thought I had dealt with, to an extent. I need to deal with them some more. Maybe then I can see her again.
In a way, she is part of the "old" of my life. I am more interested in the new. The new people, the new challenges, the new adventures, to come. Should I maintain contact with the old? I suppose so, to an extent. After all, the old is history, and one who does not learn from history is doomed to repeat it. Well, I don't know about doomed, but certainly more likely to make the same mistakes that have already been made. Mistakes that only need to be made once.

A new year is coming in three days. A year of challenges and rewards, of hate and love, of darkness and light, a year of changes, for good and bad.
Most of all, it is a year of hope.